I was there

As an adoptive mom, I have had several experiences that are so poignant, words fall short when I try to explain them.  The first day that we met Jacob was one of those moments; the orphanage, the older children, the sweet babe in my arms, I will never be able to fully describe that moment. 

Certainly meeting Anna was another one of those moments.  The hospital would not allow Jacob into the room, so JF stayed downstairs while I met Anna.  I had such a flash of fear just before I entered the room.  I had not prepared myself for meeting E., Anna's birthmom.  I had no conversation worked out in my head, or any idea of the "right" thing to do or say.  Walking into the room, meeting E and Anna, is a moment that I will always reflect on; it is a moment that will be in my heart forever.

I was there when E said goodbye to Anna.  I asked E if she wanted me to leave, so that she could have the time alone.  She said no, she wanted me there.  She hugged Anna and kissed her.  She whispered sweet words in Anna's ears.  She cried and told Anna how much she loved her.  She hugged and kissed me and handed Anna to me and left the hospital.  I will never be able to describe that moment without the clumsy words.  I know as Anna gets older, she will want to hear about every second of that moment.  I am so grateful I was there, but I worry that I don't have the right words to paint the picture as it actually happened.  My words don't capture the marrow of the moment; the layout of the room, where E was standing, where I was standing.  How it was so achingly bittersweet.  This precious moment sits in my heart.  Like all of the others, I am so grateful I was there.